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- incredibly entertaining emails
- bringing tears to my best friend’s eyes
just by telling her how much I appreciate her - a rip roaring fire I built myself
- students who love to learn
- never-ending laughter with dear friends
Over the course of January, I’ve tried each morning to thank God aloud for special people and situations in my life. It’s been a wonderful practice that seems to start each day on a very positive path. Recently, a new friend told me about a practice of using the end of the day to reflect on five moments that I am thankful for from that day. Not just to reflect on them, but to write them down. So, I started doing that a few days ago and it has created a peacefulness in me. It’s done even more than that, honestly, it’s made me process what I value in the moments of my life. Being aware, fully aware, of what I am grateful for each day, twice a day, is helping me discover what my heart really does value. Choosing five specific moments from my day that I appreciate tunes me in to recognizing the goodness in my life and discovering (sometimes rediscovering) the type of life I want to lead. Writing these moments down helps me specifically identify what it was about each moment that is significant to me and etches this importance into the pages of my memory. Today already, I am thankful for the generous family who gave me delicious red velvet cupcakes yesterday and a beautiful African violet today, just for giving their daughter a ride to school. Today I am thankful for that incredible first sip of coffee. I seem to be grateful for that one every day. Today I am thankful for the trust of a family member. Today I am thankful for getting up early to enjoy more of the day. Today I am overflowing with thanks for the amazing and inspiring friendship of Julee. Okay, I did this one backwards. I was supposed to write down the five things I am thankful for at the end of the day and currently it is the morning. Guess I will have to pay attention for more moments to write down tonight. Somehow, I don’t think that will be a problem at all today.
It’s been raining so much that I haven’t been able to get out and walk. I’ve noticed that walking fills my soul and makes me feel so strong, healthy, energized. Fortunately, the sun peeked out yesterday afternoon, and even though I didn’t feel well, I headed out to the trail with my iPod. The trail was so extraordinarily beautiful with all of the lush, green growth nurtured by the recent rains. The grass seemed to stretch up two to three feet in places topped off by petite yellow flowers winking at the sun. Now, usually on my walks I like to listen to pop music with a quick beat, to encourage a brisk walking pace. But on this walk, the iPod seemed to guide me to let the slow, meaningful songs play, rather than skipping to find the get up and go tunes. As I listened to the words and the melodies, scanned the beauty surrounding me, I found myself power walking like never before, as if what surrounded my sight and my hearing was propelling me forward in an effortless glide. It seemed as if I wasn’t walking at all but being carried, even though I actually broke out in a sweat. Oddly, my acute awareness seemed to make each moment, each scene on that trail, appear to pass by in slow motion. To top all of this off, on my way back, the sunset was glorious! The clouds radiated its glow in such a way that my heart filled with Hallelujahs! I had to pause numerous times just to soak in that glorious sunset moment. Truly, the best walk ever…looking forward to many more of them.
Moving forward in my life means letting go of the past. Yesterday was an emotionally draining day that was a huge step forward, a day that put an end to years of suffering. It should have felt phenomenal, should have been filled with relief and a sense of freedom. Instead, it was difficult and emotionally draining. So how does one find their heart in the midst of distress? I reached out to my small, but incredible network of friends, talked it out, welcomed their advice and support. That is one way my heart deals with a hard day, and I believe it is important because my friends help me process how I’m feeling, help guide me to take better care of myself. Another way I am learning to help my heart and my body deal with a hard day is to say NO. To let go of overachieving, allowing myself the time to heal by doing things that relax me and make me feel good: time with good friends, good movie, good book, good conversations, and topped off by cuddling into my amazing bed!
When I was a senior in high school, I had to give a speech at graduation for being the Salutatorian (sorry to say I did get one B+–Spanish). Being somewhat shy, it was quite a stress writing the speech and even more so, giving it. I got help from a father-figure friend of mine when writing the speech and we decided to go with the message to “stop and smell the roses.” Funny thing, though, I’m pretty sure I had no clue what I was talking about. As a matter of fact, twenty-five years later, I believe I just truly discovered what it meant today…this morning. Sure, I smelled some roses along the way, but kept right on rushing through life, always busy, always on the go. Today, I woke up early as usual, but have spent the past two and a half hours doing nothing…just being…not just being…but being present in each moment. The first sip of coffee today, savored while enjoying the view out the window, felt like the best sip of coffee ever even though it was the same coffee, same creamer as every day. However, each slow slip following that first one felt like the best, too, just sipping and thinking and being. Mmmmmm. Breakfast–now today was the first time I believe I’ve ever made myself breakfast with love, taking my time, focusing on what I was making, trying to do a good job for myself. It wasn’t a different breakfast than I’ve ever made before, but it was different because I was making it with care and presence (Is this why some people like to cook?). Then, as I sat down to eat, I paid attention to what I was eating, slowing down, enjoying myself. It’s amazing. I had no idea I could actually taste the different seeds in the bread, same bread I’ve eaten many times before. Today, my coffee, my breakfast, my view, these were the roses I spoke of smelling so many years ago. These are just a few of the moments that can make a day special when we stop and smell the roses! Now, if only I could turn these essays I need to grade into roses…
I missed my nephew’s birthday the other day. He turned 6. When I was informed I had missed it, with the information that he asked his mom why none of his aunties called, my heart dropped about a foot in my chest. Of course, I called him immediately, as did the rest of his aunts. My point is that my nephew reminded me that certain things need to be priorities in life. Remembering birthdays for children…very important. My priorities used to be work and existing. Now that I’ve rebalanced my life, I need to rebalance my priorities and take time for who/what is important. Family is always a priority, but what am I doing to make them feel that way? Phone calls, letters, cards…these should take priority. I have a friend who is so good about sending letters, cards, thank yous. I want to make these things a priority and follow my friend’s lead. One moment in time to make that call…checking in…listening, truly listening. One moment in time to write a thank you and drop it in the mail. Taking the time and effort to do these things for those I love is one of my new priorities. Another new priority is to give thanks every day. To think about what is good in my life (and there is a lot of it), to think about those who are important to me, and give thanks aloud each morning before I even get out of bed. It’s amazing how much better each day is when I start it off like this. Life is short. Now is the time to do what feels important, not be so busy that what should be important gets pushed to another day, another week, another month, another year. Life is now, not in the past, not in the future. I am making it a priority in my life to BE in each moment, however tiny or huge, however mundane or exciting, however difficult or enjoyable.
There’s nothing better than a power outage when you are home alone to force you to slow down and spend time with yourself. Yesterday I had lots of plans to keep myself busy, but they all needed electricity. When the power went out, I had to rethink what I was going to do with my morning, no TV distraction, no wireless internet, no mellow music, no cooking a warm lunch on a rainy day, no shower, just my thoughts and I. Now, typically, in that situation, I’d get out my cell phone and call every friend I could find in my contact list. Typically, when I get bored, I want to reach out and talk to friends and family, getting my energy and entertainment from engaging conversations. But, yesterday, when I looked at that cell phone, I left it sitting on the table and chose to spend that time with myself, sitting, thinking, watching the rain and the wind ebb and flow outside the window. The really cool part was that I enjoyed that time with myself, finding it peaceful and relaxing to slow down the day and just be with me. What’s even more amazing is that the day seemed to be longer, like slow motion, when I relaxed and took the time from the clock, unlike many days where I can get so busy that the days seem to take the time from me, leaving me hardly a moment to breathe. So, I think I will need to make my own power outages each day where I slow down, stop doing, relax and breathe, and take time to be with myself and let myself go wherever my mind chooses to take me.
Findingmyheart's Blog 